Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Wake up calls and new beginnings

Yeah, so it's been a while.

The past several weeks have been filled with food, drink, gluttony, and total ambivalence. I can't even tell you how many times I went through the drive through, how many beers I drank, and how many hours I sat on the couch. I also can't tell you how many pounds I've gained, because I've avoided the scale just as much as I've avoided the treadmill. I do know, however, that I'm currently wearing size 16 pants.

The scariest part is that I didn't really care until a couple days ago.

Angie and I were at a local restaurant for lunch. As we sat in our booth, I perused the menu and wondered whether to have a cheeseburger and fries or a salad. I opted for the salad. Granted, it had pieces of fried chicken, bacon, and shredded cheese. But hey- roughage and all, right?

That's when I started to feel strange. I was sweating bullets and I couldn't breathe. Everything faded to white and I couldn't hear anything. Then I passed out, right there in the booth. Angie later told me I was shaking while I was unconscious. When I woke up a few seconds later, all I wanted to do was get outside, into the cool winter air. Stupidly, I got on my feet and made my way toward the door. Almost made it, too. Right as I was about to reach the door, I collapsed near a booth of ladies. I awoke and a woman was patting my back and repeating "Are you okay, honey?"

"Oh, I wound up on the floor? How embarrassing," I replied in my stupor. I kept apologizing as Angie and the hostess helped me outside and handed me a glass of ice water. I took off all my extra layers and my shoes and took in the water like I hadn't had any in months.

I don't know exactly why I fainted twice in the middle of a Houlihan's, but I know that I have to fucking get real. Right now.

Yesterday, I got reacquainted with that lovely wagon that I've avoided for so long. It was tough. Today was worse, because my body realized I wasn't giving it all the sugar it was used to. It rebelled by giving me a monster headache and a bitchy attitude. I don't care, though. I don't want to die.

When a new season of The Biggest Loser started tonight, I knew it was a sign from the diet and exercise gods that I needed to test my fitness. I put on my workout clothes and noticed right away how much my body has really changed. The treadmill looked at me with surprise as I approached. "Oh, you're back, huh? You think you can just walk all over me after not talking to me for months?" If treadmills could talk, that's what mine would have said tonight. Nevertheless, I got on and was happily surprised to learn I can still run a mile.

So here I am. I'm still planning on rejoining my running group later this month and training for the Oklahoma City Marathon in April.

Here we go. In the words of the great PastaQueen: "Oh really, let's just fucking do this already!"

Woot woot!


Kelly said...

Yeah!!! You can do it!!!! I know that everyone is proud of you for confessing to us...you make it easier to confess our own sins. Thanks for writing!

Mandy said...

Hey Morgan - So sorry to hear about the fainting, so scary! I'm watching Biggest Loser tonight too - about ready hit the treadmill. Keep up the good work, it starts with baby steps!! We should get together soon - for salads :) Mandy

elife said...

Welcome back, I missed you!

SeaShore said...

Wow, how frightening! I hope you're going for a check up too, just to be on the safe side.

You'll show the sugar monster who's boss.

You can do it!

nicole said...

How scary it is to faint. Are you sure theres no underlying cause or anything? But I'm glad to hear you're not giving up. I had the same indulgences, after losing 70 lbs over the last year I gained 10 back in just the month of december. back on the wagon for me too. One day at a time!

Jess said...

That's scary fainting...I hope everything is ok now! Don't feel too badly about needing to get back on the wagon...I think most of us could use a little of that after the holidays!

Pritha said...

Hey Morgan... glad you're back. I've religiously checked the blogspot every day for new updates. I'm so sorry to hear about the fainting. Hope you're doing better now? I agree with Mandy - we need to get together soon and run/walk and then follow up with salads and good old agua.

Nicole said...

Welcome back!!!!!!!!!


courtney said...

Welcome back Morgan! I missed following your blog. I'm sorry that you had such a scary experience - take care of yourself!

Anonymous said...

Welcome Back.. I enjoy reading your blog and was being to think you had left us for good!

JanetM97 said...

I'm with you on the Christmas gluttony! (I actually used the same word in my "finally back" post- har!) Anyway, sorry for your fainting stress.

Here's to a healthy and thinner 2009 for us all. I might actually try to get back to a little running, too. :)

Topher said...

Holy cow! Remind me to never eat salad again! Glad you're ok; I missed reading your blog. I'm one to talk; I haven't blogged in I don't know how long. I'm back on the treadmill, though.

I'm proud of you for doing another 26.2!

Anonymous said...

Hey Morgan, Glad to see you're back. Missed your blogs. Sorry to hear about your fainting spells. Have you had your Blood Sugar levels checked. Maybe you overindulged in too many sweets at Christmas. Whatever it is .. I'm glad you're OK. Watching the Biggest Loser is a great motivator, isn't it. Get back at it and you will succeed. You did before and you will again. Post your weight. Who cares what it is. You need to get it out there and work with it. It's not where you once were, so you're OK. No one is going to be critical of you. We love you, otherwise, we wouldn't read your blog. Good luck with your journey. I'm starting my journey AGAIN!!! The only problem with me is I have never succeeded like you.

deanna said...

so glad you are back, i've been checking in every week and was sad. Scary episode indeed indeed! One day at a time...

Anonymous said...

Beautiful one the fainting spell is pretty scary. You are a bad mama jama and can do this. You will get back on the wagon.

I used to eat out a lot until I recently had a health scare and now am on medical leave from work so I can get myself back in shape...reclaim my health. I worked on changing my eating and started cooking way more. I eat simple too, fish or chicken, veggies, salads, and brown rice or couscous or black beans etc.

My husband loves all the food I am cooking so he does not pressure me to go out to eat.

Let's get fit this year!

Anonymous said...

Well, unfortunately we don't just lose the weight and **poof** we're fixed! I hate that it doesn't work that way.

But you started again--you haven't given up. Sure it's embarassing to admit what happened. But you're a far braver woman than most of us who never would have laid our lives open in the first place. Those of us who come back to read this blog aren't hoping for you to stumble. But we understand and support you when you do.

This sounds cheesy, but just take it one day at a time, one meal at a time, one workout at a time. Hang in there.

Mary in TX

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