Thursday, June 12, 2008

Ring of Fire

Yesterday was, to put it mildly, devastating. I ate more unhealthy food than I care to admit. Recently, my "episodes" have mainly included foods that could be considered healthy- cereal, yogurt, low fat cottage cheese, etc. Yesterday, though, it was all junk, and a lot of it. I'm not proud to sit here and type this out, especially since this is a weight LOSS blog. I know many of you come here for inspiration. However, I need to be honest, or else what's the point?

I fell into such a dark state of mind yesterday. More than once, this scary thought crossed my mind: "What's the point of living if every waking moment is spent thinking about food?" Life seemed pointless. Not good.

Of course, when all this was happening, I was at work. Crying in one's cubicle is apparently frowned upon, so I tried to suck it up and choke back my tears. I went around to a couple coworkers' desks and vented a bit. There are a few people at my job who know about my struggles, and they're always sympathetic. Even though they listened and offered support, I still felt extremely alone, like no one truly understood.

It wasn't until that evening, when I had my first meeting with my new running group, that I perked up a little. New members were supposed to pick up our materials and do a meet-and-greet with the coach and other members. As I sat there and listened to others' goals of completing their first marathons, I once again became inspired. My self-loathing melted away as I heard a woman in her 50s talk about her upcoming triathlon.

My body is now punishing me for the damage I did yesterday. I've never suffered from acid reflux, but this morning my esophagus is burning Johnny Cash style. Ring of Fire? Get it? Hey, at least I'm making a feeble attempt at a joke. That's a step up from yesterday.

10 comments:

spunkysuzi said...

All you can do is keep picking yourself back up! I know i've been there and i'm still there! It's scary how quickly i can go from being totally op to hitting the chips and ice cream. I'm with you in that i've decided that when i'm way off i still have to hold myself accountable to others and myself and hopefully it's going to help me. Keep strong!!

Jaime said...

Oh, thank goodness. I saw "ring of fire", discussion of binge eating, and TOTALLY mis-guessed which sphincter you were going to complain about.

G.G. said...

You're so not alone in this. I think we just have to hope the up times will outweigh and get us through the low times, and that willpower will help us power through when necessary.

It's good you're able to identify what's going on in the background to make you want to eat.

Hang in there!

Topher said...

Sounds like the running group is just what you needed in your day yesterday. Speaking of running, do you mind that I just tagged you on my blog? Hope not. It's the "five questions about running" tag you might have seen floating around. Go to my blog for "details"

The Lady of Things Forgotten said...

Crying at one's cubicle is actually not nearly as bad as you might think. It helps to wear glasses.

Anonymous said...

Morgan,

Hang in there! You are doing an amazing job! I love, love, love this blog! Thank you for all your honesty, work into this blog! It is such an inspiration to me! I can't Thank you enough!!!

Fan from Colorado

abby suzanne said...

Your blog is the real deal in weight loss and now distance running...not the "success stories" we get in magazines that tell us to eat more vegetables and do intervals with no mention to the day to day battles. That is what makes your story motivating and engaging.

ps I have definately cried in a cube.

elife said...

Thank you for sharing the reality of day to day living. I'm sorry you are struggling. But you got back up and went to your running group, how amazing is that.

Aa for crying in your cublicle - keep some eye drops out and say you have allergies ;)

JourneyGirl said...

Hi Morgan!

Thank you for being so honest. Hearing about other people's weight loss struggles really helps. I have gone through days like the one you just had and it helps to know that I'm not alone.

I can also relate to your comment about thinking about food all day. I have found myself frustrated at times and thought the same thing. But then I realized that when I was bigger I thought about food all of the time as well, but it was more like "What is the fattest thing I can eat right now". I had to accept the fact that food is my issue. Everyone has an issue and this is mine. Some people are alcoholics, some are drug addict, some have learning disabilities; I obsess about food. And knowing that I will obsess about it regardless if I'm eating well or not helps. If I’m going to have this for the rest of my life I might as well look and feel good!

I love your blog! Keep up the good work.

Journeygirl

mongolove said...

You're not alone.