Taking steps

One good day. Today I'll be reciting that mantra. I've planned meals and snacks that are nutritious. This morning, I ran 2 miles on the treadmill, and I'll do another 4-6 miles tonight. So far, so good.

I've given it a lot of thought, and I think would be a good idea to see a therapist. Losing all this weight has wreaked havoc on my thought processes. Isn't that strange? One would think that I'd be in a great state of mind. Don't get me wrong- about 58.7% of the time, I feel great about myself. As I said yesterday, however, I'm still hurting inside. Losing weight improved my body, but my mind still thinks I weigh 264 lbs. I think this plays a big role in my bingeing. Since I still feel like I'm obese, I subconsciously do whatever I can to get back to that state. It's time to get help.

So, I've emailed a few therapists in my area who specialize in eating/self-esteem issues. I already got a reply from one, but unfortunately she doesn't take my insurance. I'm going to keep trying, though.

I also did a search on Amazon for books on binge eating, and I found one that looks helpful. I put it on hold at the library and hopefully I'll be reading it soon.

At this stage, my goal is to gather as much information as possible about the problem I'm facing. I'm not the first person to go through this, so there's got to be a wealth of research on self-sabotaging behavior. Knowledge is power, and I'm ready to get the power back.