Thursday, November 6, 2008

Oscar the Grouch

Eating out of the trash can. The only people I know who do this are either poor, compulsive eaters, or Oscar the Grouch. Have you done it?

Last night, things were going really well. I didn't want to cook dinner, so we opted for Subway. Looking back on my choices for the day, I was pretty proud of myself. I'd managed to stay away from a delicious praline pumpkin dessert that was brought into work.

A few minutes after dinner, that familiar urge beckoned me to the nearest convenience store. I played along, and wound up with a 4 pack of ice cream drumsticks, a package of Milano cookies, and some pretzels. Oh, and 100-calorie pack popcorn. WTF? Of course, the drumsticks were gone by the end of the night, and I had several of the cookies.

Needless to say, I'm feeling pretty low this morning. My problem is binge eating after dinner. That's usually the only time of day I do it.

Anyway, when I walked into the kitchen this morning, I saw the package of remaining Milanos staring back at me. At that time of day, the idea of eating one disgusted me, but I knew if I kept them around, they'd be a problem tonight. I started to put them in the trash can, but stopped myself. I am one of the lucky people who can't say I've ever dug anything out of the trash and eaten it. I don't want to start now. So, I put them down the sink and ran the garbage disposal. As I listened to the cookies disintegrate into wet, mealy pieces, I wondered why I continue to sabotage myself. I'm still working on a reason. Let me know if you have any ideas.

Until next time... don't be like Oscar. Stay out of the garbage.

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Hi Morgan...I've definitely eaten out of the trash can! I'm ashamed to say it, but it's true. And my binge eating only happens at night. Ironically, I feel like I actually binge less when I'm truly hungry - because when I'm hungry, I crave healthier food, but when I'm not, I just want to shove food in my mouth.

One thing that really helps me is to get out of the house after dinner and do something fun like go to a bookstore or even go out and have a beer or a glass of wine. Even if I'm hungry when I get home, if I didn't let myself get bored or depressed that night I tend to make healthier choices.

Kelly said...

Since I have been in the same boat..I am going to ask a question...do you feel that you deserve to be thin? I didn't. I felt like the fat girl inside was the one in control. She is the one that deserved to live. Obviously then I let her. I gained all my weight back, and now I am doing it again. I am taking the weight off MUCH slower this time, but I think that I am fixing my head too. I deserve to be thin and healthy. The fat girl deserves a nice funeral and the thin girl deserves a coming out party. So...I will ask again...do you feel that you deserve the thin body? Morgan, you really are someone that I can relate to even though we have never talked or met. No one but yourself can tell you that you deserve it!!! Find it within...I have faith that you can do it!!!

kilax said...

I've gone after something I threw away. It's so shameful :(

Yesterday, I got really stressed out and ate all of the snacks I had in my desk - they added up to my allotted calories for the day. Then I went to the convenience store and bought a package of pop tarts. I took the pop tarts back to my desk... then decided to not eat them. I put them in the kitchen for someone else to have.

I felt a binge coming on and I didn't know what to do. I just knew I wanted to chew. I had to say "no no no!"

What were you going before to prevent the snacking after dinner? Will that method work again?

Serendipite said...

I guess this is a moment where my laziness does me good. I am usually so darn lazy that I put my PJ's on the minute I get home from work, and would never opt to leave again unless I was absolutely required to.

One thing that does help me is yummy tea - I love the sugar cookie holiday tea from celestial seasonings, and blackberry sage from The Republic of Tea - they both have that suggestion of sweetness without sugar. My mom swears by the Yogi Teas too. I also chew fruit flavored sugarless gum like it's going out of style. GL!

Anonymous said...

Hi Morgan - - It helps me to floss and brush my teeth IMMEDIATELY after dinner. Then I chew sugarless gum, especially if I watch tv. The food commercials are a torment, so I keep pounding that Orbit Spearmint.

Laura said...

Hang in there Morgan. I hope you are having a better day today. I hope you are also doing well after the root canal. Let me know if you need anything. Laura

Anonymous said...

Hi Morgan .... I noticed you removed my comment... The one about you gaining almost 1/3 of your weight back. I hope you weren't offended. It was definitely not to be mean at all. Just an observation. I also said that I've been there and know exactly what you are going through. It's a tough road and would hate to see you back where you were. Anyway, if it upset you, I'm sorry. I'm just a supporter of you who only wishes you the best... Heather

JanetM97 said...

I totally have these moments of crazed self-sabotage, too. (ummm...my most recent one was called Halloween. :P)

You did get rid of the cookies, right? So be proud of that and just get back on track! you can do it!

Kelly said...

Hey Morgan...I referenced your blog again today...hope you don't mind.

Jersey Girl in DC said...

I can so relate to this. Those damn Milano cookies are so good! I've picked up a bag in line at Target twice and the bag was gone within a day or two. I felt awful for it. I do find that brushing my teeth after dinner helps. I also find drinking a tall glass of water helps too - I feel fuller with all that water in me. Sometimes, I also find that sipping on a cup of chamomile (not sure if I spelled that correctly) tea after dinner helps as well. I really struggle with this because my husband likes to snack at night. I'm trying to get him away from this awful habit both for his health and for mine, because I end up snacking with him.

Keep up the good work! Though you may feel crappy for snacking, just remember that it took an enormous amount of will power to say no and not have any more - give yourself some credit for that! :)

Anonymous 2 said...

What has helped me is to schedule my workouts for after dinner, when I'm done eating for the day. Very rarely will I get really hungry afterward, and then it's just a snack to take the edge off. When I skip my workout, my first urge for that empty time is to eat late in the evening, proving that the only way to undo a bad habit is to replace it with a better one.

After losing 130 pounds and then regaining ??? lbs. over the last couple of years (a mismanaged return to sugar), I can say that Kelly's question really resonates with me. I went through some stress post-weight loss, including some unexpectedly unkind reactions from old girlfriends who didn't know what box to put me in anymore, you know? So, it was hard to fit into my new self in some ways, and I think that I dealt with that new insecurity using tried-and-true methods I'd developed to cover for old insecurities: bingeing. Anyway, it's a punishing way to go through all this, but we're smarter for it, yes?

Great comments here!

Past Expiry said...

Check out this cartoon about the recession!
http://pastexpiry.blogspot.com/2009/03/cartoon-sesame-street-recession.html
*CARTOON*