Sunday, October 5, 2008

Ready for Monday

I've had better weekends.

I was looking forward to spending a lot of couch time with Angie, enjoying the feeling of having no obligations, and just being content. It didn't work out that way.

Let me back up. We had pizza on Friday night, and this of course affected my weigh-in on Saturday. You may have noticed I gained 2 lbs. this week- the same 2 lbs. I lost last week. When my alarm went off at 5:00 a.m. on Saturday morning, the last thing I wanted to do was get up and run. I almost didn't. However, my friends were expecting me to be there, so I went. I got 10 miles in. I was feeling so sluggish and exhausted that I just couldn't muster another 4 miles in order to log the 14 miles I wanted to do. But, 10 is a lot better than nothing.

After our run, we went to Cracker Barrel for breakfast. I must have been one of the only Midwesterners who had never visited this lovely establishment, but I was finally indoctrinated. They were having a breakfast special which included a brownie with your eggs and bacon. WTF? Is no meal safe from chocolate anymore? I opted for the buttermilk pancakes with turkey sausage and scrambled eggs. I figured a 10 mile run earned me some light, fluffy, pancakey goodness with real maple syrup. Cracker Barrel was really the high point of the weekend. Hmmmm....

After watching a lovely horror flick called Midnight Meat Train (you won't want to eat beef again for a long, long time) with Angie, she went out, and I was left to my own devices for the afternoon. For some reason, I was feeling incredibly sorry for myself and lonely. I called a lot of people to talk, but no one was around. Even my 97 year old grandmother was too busy playing bingo at her nursing home to chat with her seratonin-depleted granddaughter. When an emotional eater gets lonely, you'd better lock up the refrigerator. I was on a war path. You can imagine what happened next.

That was Saturday. On Sunday, Angie was sick and spent most of the day in bed. This was obviously out of her control, but I was still bummed out. More loneliness, more eating. The weekend breezed by, and I have nothing to show for it except for a distended abdomen and a bad attitude.

Now I'm feeling tired, bloated, foggy, and more down than ever. My heart hurts- and I'm hoping it's because of the depressed mood and not hardening arteries. When will I finally learn that food will NOT reverse any negative emotions I'm having? I hope it's soon, because these jeans are feeling awfully tight.

I'm still not giving up. As long as you're reading blog posts from me, that means I'm still trying. When a weight-loss blogger stops blogging, then you really have a problem. Hey- I still managed to run 10 miles on a stomach full of greasy cheese and pepperoni (gross), and although my size 12s are tight as a mo-fo, they're not what I'd call "muffin top tight." Things could be worse.

I'm still here.


kate said...

And as long as you keep posting I'll keep coming back to read your entries. :) Totally rooting for you here.

Mom Taxi Julie said...


deanna said...

I can so relate to this sentence "When will I finally learn that food will NOT reverse any negative emotions I'm having?" however, I need to edit it to say ALL emotions - I use food for everything. Nonetheless, I love coming here, it's a great support for me, and I know you will continue to blog. It's a long haul, although we are reversing the damage we did to our bodies with all the excess weight, it has to take a while to get use to it, as well as work through those emotions and the mental anguish that it put on us! Keep the faith, keep on trucking, keep believing that you will get there, I believe in you!

P.s. - I hope you don't mind, I am stealing the above referenced sentence for my post today! I'll reference you, I promise!

Anonymous said...

Hey I read your blogs religiously every day. You are doing great. As long as you keep blogging, I will keep reading.

You are an inspiration. I am working on my first half marathon (November) and training (running 9miles) is kicking my ass bigtime.

so..keep blogging.


Anonymous said...

hang in there morgan. you're doing a great job. are you still seeing your therapist? also, are you taking an antidepressant like prozac, i don't know if you've mentioned it, but do you know if you're depressed. some ppl (like myself) get to that point of loneliness and feeling sorry for yourself faster than others. great job on the 10 miler, you're awesome. don't feel so bad on the binging. i think you're improving in that area, slowly but surely so don't be too ahrd on yourself. maybe there is some subconscious or unconscious thought that is really bugging you. why do you feel sooooo lonely just b/c angie is gone? i know this is a lot but got me thinking too. hehe. :)


mongolove said...

Keep it up, my brave little toaster. Everything you've accomplished has been a miracle.

gypskt said...

I can relate too. But when I get in the mood you described, it's PMS. It took me forever to realize it. I used to get in these horrible moods - my life sucks, I have no friends - and I would eat to try and fix it.
The moods always lasted about 2 days. And after going through this for years, it finally hit me that it only happened once a month. (I know...I can be dense sometimes.)
For me, just awareness helped. Knowing that this feeling was temporary, and that tomorrow would be better.
I also started literally 'counting my blessings.' When I got in these moods, instead of grabbing a loaf of bread and some cheese, I would pick up a notebook and make a list of everything in my life that I'm grateful for. It really helped to see it in writing.

Have you identified what triggers these moods? Maybe if you find the underlying issue, you can find a way to get through those worked for me :)

kennedy said...

Hi! I found you via a friend. Can't wait to go back and read from your first post to learn all about your incredible journey!

I too am a Midwestener that has never been to a Cracker Barrel before. Now that I know they put brownies in eggs, I'll never ever go there! lol

Keep up the great work!

primitivebunnies said...

Hey Morgan - I just saw your comment on my blog today! So weird! You look great - I am very proud of you! I actually just spoke with your Aunt Lucy a few weeks ago about a JCCC class thing. When she said her name I asked if she was THE Lucy M. of the John/Nancy M. family. She told me you had started running - wowzers! So I guess it's no shock that we both love the Buffy. Did you watch Dr. Horrible? It was fantastic. I purchased it on Itunes & have watched it about a million times. Hope you are well - write sometime. -Sarah

Roni said...

Just found ya! Love the blog, and congrats on your loss.. I want to echo Deanna...

"When will I finally learn that food will NOT reverse any negative emotions I'm having?"

Great insight and something I struggle with as well.

Kelly said...

Hi Morgan,
I gave you a shout out on my blog today. I quoted you and told people to check you out. Hope you don't mind!