Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Don't Get Any Bigger

I've never had a one night stand, but the thoughts and feelings I had this morning were eerily similar to what I would think the "morning after" guilt feels like. Literally the moment I woke up, just two words came to my head. Binge. Guilt.

Although I've managed to stay away from fast food since Sunday (quite a big deal for me lately), that doesn't mean I'm not susceptible to binges. Last night, things were going really well. It was my second day on the wagon, and I was feeling great. Then, for some stupid reason, I thought I should have a tiny snack before bed. Looking back, I don't even remember what that first morsel was, but it was the catalyst for what came next. Lots of toast with Laughing Cow cheese. Fiber One toaster pastries. Low fat string cheese. All healthy things when taken separately. Together, a perfect storm of gluttony.

This morning, I grabbed some freshly-laundered khakis and pulled them on with ease. "Oh good, maybe things are turning around," I thought. Buttoning them, however, was a whole different proposition. Nearly in tears, I took them back off and put on some jeans. They're snug too, but they don't cut off my circulation. They are size 12 jeans, for those of you who are curious. When I was on my way down the scale, size 12 was like the Garden of Eden of the pants world. It was the first size I'd wear in years that wasn't considered "plus." Now that they're tight on me, they are a warning, in huge, red, flashing letters: DON'T GET ANY BIGGER.

Logically, I know I don't look like this anymore:















But, I feel like that on the inside today.

11 comments:

Kelly said...

Oh Morgan! I feel your pain. I am still in the weight loss mode, but have doing the same slippery slope for MONTHS!!! This past week was my first loss in ages. I have faith in you!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!

Sarah said...

I totally know where you're coming from... my jeans which were once my 'comfy' jeans are now my skin tight jeans... and I don't know how I let it happen!!

kilax said...

What do you think is causing all of this? What has changed that is driving you to eat more? I think you can figure this out and tackle it!

Matt Keeling said...

You are all over this. I am sure you are, but make sure your tracking your food and drinking a boatload of water.

The other thing is. Umm you ran a FREAKING MARATHON 2 weeks ago. Remember what is was like this time last year? Did you think you would be running a marathon? You have done so well. Don't beat yourself up to bad, cause you may injure yourself and not be able to climb back aboard the wagon.

kate said...

Morgan, I wish there were some words I could write that would magically help you . . . I'm so sorry that you have to struggle with this. But you do have the power to change this, it doesn't have to be this way. YOU can do it. Don't get discouraged, you're stronger than you know!

nicole said...

I know this is kinda off the subject but I just wanted to say how pretty you are! And I mean that in the least creepiest way possible :) You were beautiful when you were "big" and beautiful now. Don't forget to try to stay positive about yourself and be careful with guilt. Like your innocent snacking before bed, it can snowball very quickly and lead to some dangerous thinking.

You are awesome! Don't give up!

Penny Christine said...

God...if our stories could be any more parallel, it'd be eerie. I know you're suffering right now, but please know that you're still inspiring and motivating us. I leave in 10 minutes to go to the gym to run. It's the first time in 2 weeks. My pants are getting tighter. Reach for me....I'm trying to jump up on that wagon with you. *Penny

SeaShore said...

I feel for you and I'm scared for you. I have no advice that you haven't already heard/don't already know. I've been there, as many have. Just keep trying, moment by moment.

MizFit said...

hope youre feeling better this morning.

even just by virtue of typing it all out and getting it on 'paper.'

is it stress? true snackysnack hunger as a residual from the race?!

no matter you are catching it before you backslide----key!

let me know if I can lend a hand.

Miz.

deanna said...

I have not lost nearly as much as you and I feel myself slipping way too much. I know you have heard all the advice in the world, and not really asking for it now - I do think that since you are still here connecting with your audience and putting this out there - you are aware and will succeed. Hang in there, you just kicked major marathon ass, lost a lot of weight,you have the will, you have the skill...

SuperDave said...

Your 12 jeans/ my 38 jeans...
Battle,battle,battle....