Monday, April 21, 2008

Crash / Cubicle Dysphoria

I ate a ton of sugary, carby, delicious food this weekend. Pancakes and waffles were invited to the party, and their friends butter and syrup showed up too. Pasta and tiramisu made an appearance. Cheeseburger and fries stopped by.

I feel like absolute crap today.

I'm not going to turn this post into some big pity party. I did it all to myself. I can't even imagine how horrible I'd feel if I hadn't worked out both days. Berating myself won't do any good either. Most people indulge while they're on vacation. But holy cow, if I'd known I'd crash this bad, I think I would have done things a lot differently. I honestly can't tell if I'm coming down with a head cold or if I'm just in a fog.

I also can't tell if my extreme depression today is related to my food choices over the weekend, or if it's "a case of the Mondays." Last night, when it really hit me that I'd have to come back and sit in my cubicle for another 5 days, I got really bummed out. This morning, my eyes got teary as I drove into work. Historically, that's a bad sign for me.

It's no secret that I'm not fulfilled in my job as a customer support rep. I need to take steps to figure out what I really want, then I need to walk the walk. Right now, I just complain about it. I hate my job. Well, duh. Lots of people hate their jobs and do nothing. If I can lose 100 lbs., surely I can make a career change, right?

So what's stopping me? Fear and laziness, mostly. Although I dislike the actual work I do, I love the company I work for. I'm scared I won't find a better "package." Another big factor is money. Pretty much any other job I want to do will require me to go back to school, or at the very least, get some kind of certification or training. Where's that money going to come from?

These are things I have to figure out. I know I'm not the only one who feels aimless when it comes to career choices. For those of you who love your jobs, how did you figure out what you wanted to be, and how did you make it happen? I need all the help I can get.


kablakesley said...

I know exactly how you feel. I signed up for a strength and interest class at work and ended up skipping it. I started to fill out the paperwork for it and all it did was confirm how miserable I am. My strengths and interests are not being utilized with my job as a cube dweller. But like you it is going to require schooling and I don't have the money right now. I am still paying off the 5 years I squandered. So I am not much help but I know how you feel.

deanna said...

Take one day at at time. You mentioned that you wanted to get into nutrition / fitness, why don't you explore some classes for a certification. It may be the ticket you need - you can stay at your job with a company that you like while you obtain the cert. It could fulfill both needs right now - working towards something that does interest you while you are making decent money at a company that you enjoy. Than once it's completed whethers it's a year or so, you can move on.

The Lady of Things Forgotten said...

(can you tell I'm catching up on posts I hadn't read?)

You might also talk to your boss and see if there's any possibility of transitioning into something's kind of a long shot right now, but maybe letting them know that you'd like to do other stuff would help?