Thursday, April 10, 2008

Are you guys getting sick of this yet?

Just let me know if my highs and lows are annoying you. They're certainly annoying me.
When I get the munchies, a different part of me takes over. Whatever my craving is, I want it. Now. I'm trying to figure this all out. I'm not beating myself up like I have in the past. I know it's not the end of the world.

Still, the cyclical nature of my lifestyle is rather obnoxious. Most days, I have the mindset of a personal trainer. I'm pumped up about health, fitness, and nutrition. I exercise and eat right. I feel strong and buff. Then, one day I just snap and get out of control with the eating. Although I know it's physically impossible, these are the days I feel like I've gained back all the weight. I feel doughy and pudgy. I swear- yesterday, my abs felt like steel. Right now, they feel like a freshly popped can of biscuit dough.

I've been pondering the notion of self-sabotage this evening. Why would someone who has lost 100 lbs. want to screw it all up and go back to that old way of living? Why would I do that, consciously or otherwise? I'm trying to make sense of that. Sometimes I think I have these "off days" simply because I'm sick of "being good," and I just want to eat some really yummy food. There doesn't have to be any deep reasoning behind it all. I just like to eat. Other times, I think I'm totally f-ed in the head when it comes to my relationship with food. My relationship with food...just typing that seems totally ridiculous. I have a relationship with my girlfriend, with my parents, with my friends, even my co-workers... but food?! It's not as if I'm spooning a fried chicken leg when I'm in bed at night. I don't email my bowl of cereal to see if it wants to catch a movie this weekend.

The first human beings who occupied this planet didn't think about calories. Mongo hunt meat. Mongo gather berries. I suspect that's the gist of Neanderthal man's relationship with food.

Evolution is such a bitch.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Not sick of your highs and lows. It's great to find another human being to relate to about daily struggles with daily choices. I'm at my goal weight fight that monster that can take me over even more now.

I tried a recipe for Red Curried Tofu you had on a post. It calls for chopped cashews (1/4 cup for the whole recipe). Well, there are no packages that small to be bought, so of course I practically ate the whole can after taking what I needed for the recipe. My husband loved it though but I will probably skip the nuts next time.

It sucks. I pay the price, work out extra to get it back in balance, then move on. We all go through it. You're just brave enough to tell the world.

Mary in Texas