Tuesday, March 4, 2008

Hypochondria via Google

In the past three days, I have diagnosed myself with three diseases/disorders:

1) pleurisy
2) rheumatoid arthritis
3) seasonal affective disorder

In general, I'm a really healthy person. I don't get colds or the flu very often. I used to have headaches almost every day, but that stopped when I began exercising. Still, I've had my share of problems.

A few years back, I had to have my gallbladder removed. That was unpleasant. Everyone who's had it done makes it sound like a walk in the park, which it isn't. True, they don't have to cut half of your body open to get to it anymore, but it's still surgery. There was pain. Also, the surgeon was listening to Santana during the procedure, and to this day I can't hear Black Magic Woman without getting really upset.

Due to the headaches I referenced earlier, I used to be an ibuprofen-popping fool. This led to liver problems. My liver enzyme levels were dangerously high for several months, but they're now coming back down since I stopped eating ibuprofen like sweet tarts.

Third, I have a non-active thyroid. Yup, that's right, I have a thyroid problem. So does my mother, and so does my grandmother.
Every fat girl's dream, right? When I started taking synthroid a couple years ago, I thought I would immediately lose 100 pounds. Not so much. My doctor said I could expect to lose a few pounds from getting on medicine, but that's it. She was right. I wasn't weighing myself regularly in those days, but I estimate I lost about 10 pounds.

Lastly, I have high cholesterol. That just makes me mad. After losing 80 or so pounds, I sauntered into the doctor's office, ready to hear the results of my latest blood work. When she said it was 236, I was stunned. Apparently, if you have a thyroid problem, this can lead to high cholesterol.

Obviously, losing weight has made a huge, positive impact on my health. There are still times when I have funky symptoms and I google them.

That's how I wound up having pleurisy.

Let me back up a bit. As you may have read, I ran in a 5K race on Saturday. Since then, I've had a very sharp, very acute pain in my upper left lung when I inhale deeply. So, I googled "sharp pain when inhaling deeply." Turns out I have the pleurisy. Crap. Gotta do something about that.

Then, yesterday, my bones were achy and throbbing all day. I googled "achy, throbbing joints," and it turns out I have rheumatoid arthritis.

Today I've been really depressed. It's also been extremely cold in my workplace. I started drinking warm beverages this afternoon, and I feel better. I googled "depressed when I'm cold," and I guess I have seasonal affective disorder, or SAD.

Clearly, I'm a mess. I'm off to get a thoracentesis, then I'll hit the tanning beds so I can get some UV rays for my SAD.


1 comment:

mongolove said...

LOL. ow. laughing hurts my enlarged prostate.