Saturday, January 9, 2010

The middle way

Last week, when I decided I was ready to start over, I also decided I had to change a lot of my thinking. The first time I lost weight, it came off very quickly. I suspect that's because I only ate what experts say is the bare minimum amount a person should eat, and I exercised pretty much every day. I don't know how I was able to do that for a whole year. Seems like I should have burned out after a week or two.

This time around, it has to be different. If I'm going to lose this weight again, I can't have my characteristic all-or-nothing attitude about it.

Before Christmas, NBC aired a "Where are they now" episode of The Biggest Loser. I DVRed it, knowing I had no immediate desire to watch all the happy, shiny, thin people who had been able to keep their weight off; but, I knew I might want to watch it someday. On Monday, I queued it up at got ready to be jealous of all the previous contestants. Many of them were right where we left them- ripped and glowing, albeit with slightly sagging skin. A few had become personal trainers, which is a career I thought about for a while. Some had put some of the pounds back on, but still were working at it. But there was one- Eric Chopin- who was just like me. He'd gained most of it back. The words he said were exactly the way I felt. While I'd never wish for someone to feel as awful as I do about my relapse, it was comforting to see how much we're related in our struggles. So many of my readers have written to me, saying they'd lost a bunch of weight and gained it back. All of us are alone- and not alone- all at the same time.

Eric was visited by his old trainer from the show, Bob Harper. Eric was so worried about Bob being disappointed or angry. I feel that fear with my family and friends all the time. I know my family worries about me, and they care about my health and not my weight, but it's still a slap in the face when they bring it up.

When Eric talked about dropping the pounds again, he talked about how hard it was the first time, and how reluctant he was to go "all out" again. Bob said something that really stuck with me, and I'm paraphrasing here: "You know how to lose weight. You know how to put weight on. What you don't know is how to find a balance."

I'm trying to keep that in mind as I climb this mountain again- slowly. My system right now is to make 2 small changes a week, see how that goes, and then move on. This week, my goals were to exercise 3 times, and not eat any beef. I have one more workout to complete before Sunday, but I'm on track. Let me tell you- I had forgotten how great it feels to be completely sore and nearly immobile the day after a weights workout.

So, that's going to be my system for a while. I'm not worrying about calories, mileage, or even having seconds at dinner (for now). Just 2 things a week. That's doable, right?

12 comments:

Anonymous said...

Morgan I have no doubt you can ~DO IT~ Good Luck and I'll be here reading all the way. :-)

Mae Flowers said...

Those 2 things are completely doable! You're going to do wonderfully!

kate said...

Good plan! There's a lot to be said for slow and steady.

Fit Human said...

These are important keys to weight loss

Kendra said...

Glad to read your posts again!

Anonymous said...

I am so impressed by what you can achieve Morgan. You have been inspiring to me--hang tough--

Mom Taxi Julie said...

Great to see you posting! I was seriously just thinking about you the other day and wondering how you were doing.

I think there are way more people that have lost it and gained it back (me multiple times) than people that can actually keep it off.

GL!!

MB said...

I know we can make the lifestyle changes needed to lose it and KEEP IT OFF this time. We both know that losing is the easy part. It's time to lose and learn to maintain now. Keep up the good work. Glad you're back.

aperfectversionofmyself said...

Completely do-able.

I'm so glad you're blogging again and I wish you the best of luck with this fight.

You can do it.

Jessica said...

Thank you for being so honest. I am so proud of you for deciding to make that change again. You, Pasta Queen and Diet Girl were the ones that inspired me in the first place to lose weight. I've always felt I couldn't do it. Here I am a year later and down 80 lbs and counting I still have a long way to go but I am motivated and determined. I believe in you :)

Anonymous said...

Wow. Over the last two days, I've read your entire blog. I'm again shocked by how much all of us seem to have in common. Yes, we have small differences, but we all struggle with food. And the more we try to fix it, the worse it seems to get--consuming our thoughts, lowering our self-esteem. We lose weight to our ultimate highs and then we turn around and gain it back all for the few moments of pleasure that food brings us. I'm afraid it is all or nothing with me. I'm on the downward trend again. AGAIN. I joined WW three weeks ago and am doing well, but I have this "what makes you think it's going to be different this time" feeling. I'm humble and giving it my best effort because I know it beats the alternative. As mad as it makes me, I realize it's a life-long journey and will certainly have its highs and lows. Good luck to you, Morgan.

Deanna - The Unnatural Mother said...

it's doable, and I gotta tell ya, until I changed my all or nothing attitude I was the classic yo-yo dieter. When I allowed myself some indulgences, much happier, losing weight - 53 + pounds. You've inspired me before, and you inspire me now. You got it!