Tuesday, September 30, 2008

What have you done today...

...to make you feel proud?

People who watch The Biggest Loser know those words. Tonight, that show saved me from making a big mistake.

I had a stressful day, and as the hours crept by, the cravings for unhealthy food got stronger. The more stressed and upset I got, the more entitled and defeated I let myself become. After dinner, I gave in and had a few extra fudge pops and a pita with some sliced chicken. It was a slip-up, but not what I'd call an outright binge.

I still had a workout to do. Since I'd already blown it for the day, I just wanted to forget about my scheduled 3 miles and order pizza. The anxiety was consuming me. All the conflicting emotions felt like tiny electrical surges in my brain. It was almost physically painful. I put my hands to my head as the devil whispered in one ear, and the angel in the other.

Order pizza!
No, don't do it!

It would taste so good!

But then you'll feel terrible about yourself!

I knew that stuffing my face would make me feel good for a few minutes, but then I'd feel like crap. I didn't care. I wanted to feel happy now, and I didn't care about the consequences.

Right as I was about to get my phone and dial for delivery, The Biggest Loser was on. As I watched the contestants struggle through their daily workouts and food choices, I reminded myself that I, like them, had a choice to make. I could pick up the phone, have pizza brought to me, and eat another 3000 calories' worth of artery-clogging poison. Or, I could put on my running shoes and do my 3 miles.

I put on my shoes, and before I knew it I was on the treadmill. It's been a long time since I pulled myself back from the edge. I'm proud.


Kristin said...

I'm right there with you, Morgan. Hope you also noticed that after the Biggest Loser there's another weight loss show on ABC, People magazine's Half their Weight. Take care of yourself, you're completely worth it!

mongolove said...

You should be proud....I am. You did a good job.

deanna said...

I was right there with you last night, I was on the verge of a binge, like a peanut butter mixed with chocolate chip-or-anything to eat-funky-combo-whatever-I-can-shove-in-my-mouth-bing and than the show came on and it was the voice of reason! Go us!

kate said...

Great job! Big step.

Anonymous said...

Great choice Morgan!
Congrats on completing the half marathon...are you ready for your full?