Screw the plan!

Last night at the library, I picked up a book called Intuitive Eating, which discusses the ways in which so many of us are imprisoned by our attitudes towards food and our bodies. This is a topic I'm no stranger to. For over a year now, I've scrutinized almost every bite I've taken. Everything has been about being "on my plan." This scenario served its purpose, in that I lost my excess weight.

Losing weight has been an amazing, crazy, whirlwind experience. As the pounds came off, many of my problems also melted away. I got more energy, a new wardrobe, and self confidence. I can run and do push-ups. I look people in the eyes now.

I developed a whole new set of problems, too. I have a gripping, intense fear of gaining the weight back, which leads me to feel guilty when I eat something unhealthy. I've assigned so much value to food that I derive little enjoyment from eating, yet I think about food 24/7. Cookies, bad. Vegetables, good. I feel guilty for eating one cookie, so I eat four more. Even though I've lost 100 pounds, I still look in the mirror and see the things that are considered undesirable, rather than the awesome improvements.

I'm ready to have a positive opinion of my body for the first time in my life. I ready to think about something other than food for a change! I know a book won't have all the answers, but it's a start. As I was reading the first few chapters last night, many of the passages seemed as though they were written just for me.

So, I'm throwing "the plan" out the window. No more counting calories, no more cheat meals, no more guilt. I'll still log everything I eat so I can make sure I'm getting the basic nutrients I need for my training, but I'll leave the calories out of it. If I really want something unhealthy, I'll eat it without guilt. It's time to change.