New After Photo / Short term goals / Body dysmorphia

Last year, when I first started my diet and exercise program, the thought that I would need to lose over 100 lbs. to get to my goal was extremely intimidating. So, I really tried not to think of the destination, but rather, the steps along the way. I did this by setting achievable short-term goals, like "lose 10 lbs.," or "get below 200 lbs." At first, the weight came off very rapidly, so it was easy to reach those mini goals.

I stepped on the scale this morning and saw that I lost another pound, which means I am only 6 lbs. away from losing a total of 100 lbs. My current short-term goal was to fit into size 12 jeans. I thought maybe today was the day, so Angie and I went to Old Navy. I'm not a huge Old Navy fan, but I've been getting their jeans pretty consistently so I go there to try on new pairs. So, I grabbed a pair of size 12s and went into the fitting room. They fit like a glove! That's one more goal I can cross of the list.

When I think about how far I've come, I really can't believe it. It's like it didn't happen. Sure, I feel a lot better and people keep telling me I look different, but when I look in the mirror I can't always see it. It's as if my brain hasn't caught up with my body yet. Angie took my new "after photo" today (posted on the right), and I just kept staring at it, not believing it was really me.

There is a person who works for my company whose physique I used to envy when I was bigger. She has a very average body; she's neither fat nor skinny. I used to think, "man, if I could just look kind of like that, I'd be all set." When I was riding in the elevator with her the other day, I saw our reflections, and I noticed my hips are smaller than hers now. I never would have realized it unless we had been standing side by side. If someone had told me "you're smaller than so-and-so," I wouldn't have believed it.

I think I have body dysmorphia. I need to change that, because I don't want to wind up one of those women who is never satisfied with her body. Even when I reach my goal weight, there will still be parts of me I can't stand. I have a pooch of flab above my belly button that drives me nuts. My boobs look like deflated balloons. I have loose skin. Most of the stuff that bugs me couldn't be corrected by working out anyway, so I don't know why I let it bother me so much.

Even so, I can appreciate the parts of me that have gotten so much better. I have collarbones! Who knew? I also have some serious muscles these days. Oh, and perhaps my favorite thing... I have a vein in my arm that pops out when I work out. I even think my nose has gotten skinnier. Seriously... check out the two photos to the right and you'll see what I mean.