Wednesday, February 6, 2008

I need to call my sponsor.

Remember my earlier post where I skillfully avoided a binge by blogging instead of eating? That strategy didn't work so well this afternoon.

My day started off kind of crappy. I had a totally weird dream last night which freaked me out and set a kind of negative tone for the day. Weight training was on my schedule for this morning, but I skipped it. By lunch, I felt like the world owed me something. That's the best way I can explain it. I felt like I deserved to stuff my face.

I got home for lunch and made my planned meal- a turkey sandwich with spinach, and cottage cheese on the side. While making my sandwich, I also got out the potato chips and starting snacking on them, along with more cottage cheese. After finishing my sandwich, I went for some cereal with yogurt, and then a fudge pop.

In the grand scheme of things, this binge (if you can even call it that) is not so bad. Back in the old days when I weighed almost 100 lbs. more than I do now, a typical binge would be a Big Mac meal at McDonald's, followed by a PB&J sandwich, then two huge bowls of ice cream, and then possibly another sandwich. This doesn't even compare to my old life. Still, that's not the point. The point is that I had a plan and I couldn't stick to it.

My attitude on days like this is kind of all-or-nothing. Now I seriously feel like the day is ruined, and I should just skip my 60 minute treadmill session tonight. The truth is, I just feel like crying right now. Too bad I'm at work and I can't let loose with the tears. People would look at me funny.

Angie has to work until 6:15 tonight, and I'm seriously worried about what kind of damage I will do if I'm alone with the refrigerator for an hour. I just called my mom to see if she'd come over and hang out until Angie gets back, but I guess her car is in the shop. It must seem pretty pathetic that I need a babysitter so I won't eat myself into a coma.

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